Jerusalem, Oct 9, 2007 -
One Voice, an organization aiming to end the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, has unleashed its latest plan for peace: they threaten to bring Bryan Adams to sing at the One Million Voices event unless they get 1,000,000 signatures.
"We surrender," said a top leader of the Hamas movement from Gaza. "We always knew the Israelis were vicious and cruel, but we never knew that it would come to this."
"It's the only way to end the conflict," said a OneVoice spokesman. "You have to give them with something about which they can both unite. Bryan Adams was available and willing to contribute to the cause. If this doesn't succeed, the parties should know that we have even more potent ammunition for backup."
When asked if he meant that he would stoop to bringing Celene Dion to Israel, the spokesman smiled but refused to comment.
Almost 600,000 signatures have already been collected in the face of the threat. "We really have to work together," said a Kach-supporter from Kfar Tapuach, helping his Palestinian neighbors with their Internet connection.
Religious leaders on both sides declared three days of fasting and mourning in the face of the threat. Government officials were seen hanging their heads in despair. "No one knows what to do," admitted one official. "We just hope that the public comes through and that OneVoice rescinds on their threat. Otherwise ... otherwise ..." Here, the official broke down crying with his head in his hands.
Bryan Adams was available to comment, but this reporter hid under his bed until the singer went away. This reporter was later checked into the hospital suffering from acute nausea with the words "I neeeeeed summmbahdddy ... SUMBAHDDDY LIKE YEWWWWWW!!" echoing in his head, but is slowly recovering.