My daughter tries to lift heavy rocks by pushing them sideways. It doesn't work.
I tell her to lift up instead of push sideways, which makes her temperamental. She hears me telling her that she's not working hard enough. "I'm pushing as hard as I can!" she cries at me. Then she feels bad about herself, she thinks she's incapable of lifting rocks, she thinks I don't understand her, she gives up, etc..
I don't want her to work harder at pushing sideways; I want her to work hard at lifting. She can lift rocks, but she has to bend down and lift upwards. I know it's easier to push sideways; I understand why she does that, even though it never works.
One day I hope I find the right words and she finds it in herself to try something different, and not only hear me telling her to work harder. She'll see that she's capable of lifting. Then we can find a world full of things to lift.