The Ten Trials of Abraham: A Drama for Sukkot

Cast:
Narrator
Abraham
Sarah
Hagar
Extra: Pharoh/Avimelech/Kings/Ishmael

Narrator reads all parts of the script:

This is the story
Of a wandering Jew
And all of the trials
He had to go through

Ten trials he went through
As you will soon see
Let me tell you right now:
Better he did, than me

The first one was having
To get up one night
And leave his own country
On a 2:00 am flight

Abraham is sleeping in bed. His alarm clock goes off, and he slaps it several times before it stops ringing. He goes back to sleep. Sarah comes in and wakes him back up. She sits at the table.

The second was a famine
Even after God's blessing
No salad to eat with his
Tangy French dressing

Abraham gets up and goes to the table. Sarah hands him a piece of plywood and he eats it sulkily.

The third: his wife taken
By the Egyptian king
(If it had been his mother-in-law
then not such a bad thing)

Extra (in Pharoh hat) comes in and grabs Sarah. Sarah wails and looks to Abraham for help. Abraham keeps eating plywood. Sarah goes *ahem* with some force and an angry glare. Abraham looks up, considers, and eventually hits Pharoh with the plywood. Pharoh runs off. Sarah sits down, still glaring. Abraham goes back to eating his plywood.

Number four was a war
Between nine kings, all lunatics
Which just goes to show you
Even they had bad politics

Extra (in King hat) jumps around brandishing a sword, and exits. Abraham and Sarah do not react. Extra sees he is drawing no attention and slinks off.

The fifth was no kiddies
And taking a concubine -
Though no kids and a mistress
Sure strikes me as fine

Narrator looks confused, as if not sure of what he just read. Hagar pokes her head in and waves saucily at Abraham, who waves back. Sarah and narrator both glare at him. Abraham reacts guiltily and goes back to his plywood.

The sixth was to circumcise
Himself, which just proves
What you don't end up using
You'll eventually lose

Sarah picks up a pair of scissors and hands them with a smirk to Abraham. Abraham puts down his plywood and stares at them in horror.

The seventh was Avimelech
Who also took his wife
But then he gave her back
Can't win 'em all, that's life

Extra (in Avimelech hat) comes in and grabs Sarah. Sarah wails and looks to Abraham for help. Abraham keeps staring at scissors in horror. Sarah goes *ahem* with some force and an angry glare. Abraham continues to stare at the scissors, and then slowly turns away from Sarah, picks up his plywood, and goes back to eating. Sarah has a look of shock on her face as Avimelech takes her away. The narrator also looks scandalized.

The eighth was him having
To send away Hagar
After which, Sarah was taken off
The strong drinks and cigars

Hagar comes in and sits next to Abraham. She looks saucily at him, and he looks meaningfully back at her. The narrator looks even more scandalized.

The ninth was sending Ishmael
His thirteen year-old boy
Although Yitzchak didn't mind
'Cause he got all of his toys

Extra (in Ishmael hat) starts to come in and says "Mom!?" Abraham and Hagar both yell, "Later! Go away!" and he quickly takes leave. The narrator is livid.

And finally, the tenth one,
The most terrible of all
Was having to cook his son
Without ketchup or salt

Abraham and Hagar head back to bed, but the narrator chases them out of the room. Sounds of fighting. The narrator returns and straightens and dusts his clothes.

These trials were all nasty
As I'm sure you now know
But none of them compare to having
To narrate this show

Narrator rips up the script and walks away.

Yehuda

(source: Rambam)