Thursday, September 22, 2005

Blog Curiosities

Those of you in RSS-land are missing the spectacle of my ever-changing blog template. I would like to grow to a 50,000 readership, without having to, say, write material interesting to 50,000 people. So in my spirit of self-blindness, I have decided that great blogs:

- Must have a unique template. A pat template is a sure sign of uncool. And the template has to be a good one! See that die inside the funky Jewish star symbols? I did that myself! Wow!

- Must be compleetly gramartical and speled corretcaly. Bad editing is a sign of sloppiness and unprofessionalism. Like most of my posts.

- Must link to lots of big blogs, even if these blogs have nothing to do with you or your subject matter. Thus, my ever expanding blogroll on the side of the page. I will soon be adding links to Boing Boing, a blog about sex on trampolines, and Gizmodo, a blog about zen muppets.

Jewlicious is my mechanical track rabbit. Why? Because one of the writers/founders was over my house for dinner a few months ago. She told me that she was running this blog with a fifty thousand daily readership. I told her that I also had a blog, and that my readership was twenty.

"Twenty thousand?" she asked.

"Uh, no. Twenty." I said. "More soda?"

Meanwhile, my blog's valuation on BlogShares is at an all time high, which has prompted one analyst to give it an "Overpriced" rating. Oh no! You know, I've looked at this site and I still have no idea what the hell it does. Some guy named Sean has bought most of the shares in my blog.

Who the heck is Sean? Why is he buying all those shares in my blog? Does this mean he gets to tell me what I can write? I, for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity. And I'll tell you something else, this is the blog and I'm not going to change it. Right?

No, Sean. I mean, Mr. Sean. Yes, Mr. Sean. Yessir, right away.

In other news, I saw this great article about armed terrorist sex slaves who voted for George Bush using this really cool new wifi device that encourages copyright violations!



Peter said...

What I want to know is - how on earth do you measure your readership? I don't see how to get it from unique visitors per day or per month or whatever.

Yehuda said...

There are lots of free site counters you can put on your site. I use tracksy.

What it doesn't measure is the number of RSS "downloads", or cached retrievals, etc. There are ways to count that too, but most are considered ill-mannered, such as little gifs in the page pointing to your site that reload each time they are viewed.

Once you have the stats, you make of them what you will.


TM (Jewlicious) said...

You know, we really have no readers. We just send out female members of our blogging group to dinners where they make up large readership numbers to make other bloggers feel bad.

Shabbat shalom. ;)