Tuesday, December 05, 2006

U. S. Armed Forces Code, in Verse: Chapters 75-77, 79-81, 83, 87, 88

Chapter 75

1471

In cases of death
Evidence is collected
So that any foul play
Can be rejected

1475

Gratuity upon death
Is paid, though it's hard
To understand why not
For the Coast Guard

1476

Even after separated
Within a time frame
If you die, a gratuity
Is paid, just the same

1477

With today's modern
Family relations
Determining beneficiaries
Is full-time occupation

1478

The gratuity for death
Is twelve-thousand K
Where they came up with
This, they don't say

1479

Who is authorized
To send that there check
I'm sure the survivors
Don't give a heck

1480

If killed by the state,
Discharged dishonorably,
Or not following orders,
Pity the beneficiary

1481

Someone looks after
The body, usually,
Although I thought sometimes
They're buried at sea

1482

The mil then covers
Expenses, incidental
Depending on all of
The rules, departmental

1482a

Civilian employees
Might also be covered
But less than for members
I have discovered

1483

They also pay for
Prisoners of war
Who die while in custody,
'Cause what are friends for?

1484

Others who die
On military grounds
Might also be buried
If someone's around

1485

They also might pay
To cover expenses
For dependents of soldiers
Now in past tenses

1486

In places remote
For situations few
They might help you bury
And charge for it, too

1487

Land may be bought using
Methods extemporary
In order to inter on
Bases temporary

1488

Remains may sometimes
Be moved from graves
If the current cemetery
Cannot be saved

1489

Relatives of spies
Killed while on duty
Get a year's pay
As a gratuity

1490

Some pretty dumb rules
About measuring distance
When transporting bodies
Are here by insistence

1491

Funeral honors
Are described herein
Applying to any
True veteran

Chapter 76

1501

A department for missing
Person's was founded -
It's kind of ironic
How that sounded

1502

If someone involun-
Tarily goes missing
A commander will assess and
Then maybe do something

1503

He'll notify the Sec
Who springs into action
Forming a committee to
His satisfaction

1504

On behalf of the missing
Things are done, gratis
They'll call your name, loudly,
And then change your status

1505

They'll even look under
The desks and the chairs
And write a report on
The state of affairs

1506

The report may be missing
Some classified info
So long as it's noted
That somebody said so

1507

At some point, you might
Get listed as dead
If someone else wants
Your desk or your bed

1508

It may be appealed
By your next-of-kin
Who think you're hiding
In the kitchen

1509

The cases are closed
For missing from Korea,
The Cold War, and also
From Indochina

1510

Do they always pick on
The Coast Guard like this?
The main office won't deal
With Coast Guard cases

1511

If you're then found alive
O frabjous day!
They might still back-pay you
Callooh! Callay!

1512

But the State might not care -
"You're still dead", they'll say,
If your rescue interferes
With politics they play

1513

Only after finishing
Reading these sections
Do they then include
The reading directions

Chapter 77

1521

After you're dead, you
Still get promoted
Which doesn't surprise me
Look who's gotten voted

1522

You can even get Warranted
This section claims ...
You know? What a warrant is
Is still not explained

1523

If promoted while dead
You don't get a raise
And it's too late to ask
What the job pays

1524

Another short section
It simply describes
What date to use for
When you have died

Chapter 79

1551

Two types of people
Use assumed names
One out of modesty
One out of shame

1552

They corrects records
That are found flawed
And fix inconveniences
If they are caused

1553

Discharge or dismissal
Records are kept
And for fifteen years
Are dusted and swept

1554

Also for separation
Due to disability
Is examined on requests
Made with civility

1555

The staff of review
Consists of at least
A doc and a lawyer
Who are not deceased

1556

Reviews are made public
To those who request
Except when conflicting
With national interest

1557

They try to respond
Within a good time
But if they are late
It isn't a crime

Chapter 80

1561

Complaints about sexual
Harassment are serious
And examined to see if
The actions were grievous

1561a

Civilians are also
Protected by this one
So no hanky panky
Unless both think it's fun

1562

They also check into
Domestic violence
Assuming the families are
Under their providence

1563

Members of congress
Can make a request
To promote posthumously
At someone's behest

1564

Security clearance
Is granted, and hastily
For critical research
Like better puff pastry

1564a

Anyone with access to
Secret info's subject
To a lie detector,
Although they're not perfect

1565

A soldier convicted
For egregious crime
Has his DNA sample
Kept for all time

1565a

These DNA samples
Are made available
For investigations
When legal and warrantable

1566

This section adds rules
Meant for promoting
Knowledge and assistance
To make sure you're voting

Chapter 81

The next three dull chapters
I'm also ignoring
This one on civilian
Employees is boring

Chapter 83

This chapter describes
Intelligence jobs
These guys get code names
Like "Screwball" and "Hobbes"

Chapter 87

This chapter describes
Work in acquisitions
And responsibilities that
Come with these positions

Chapter 88

1781

Policy planners - they
Need at least five of these -
Get to plan policy
For military families

1782

They put out some surveys
And may get some answers
On how well they're doing
As programmers, not dancers

1783

Nothing to see here
Something bureaucratic
My eyes just glossed over
These, automatic

1784

They try to provide
Jobs for the spouses
Close to the place
Their actual house is

1785

They also run youth programs
Right on the bases
So that every child
Can meet friendly faces

1786

Funds made available
For overseas travel
Are also for road trips
On concrete or gravel

1787

Any abusing
Of children's reported
And any instance
Of neglect is recorded

1788

For members on contingency
Operations (which is?)
Their kids get additional
Assistances

1789

This section supports
Faith based activities
In order to "build and
Maintain strong families"

1791

I don't know what a
Child care receipt is
But the DoD's supply
Determines expenses

1792

Employees assigned to
Take care of kids
Must learn not to lock them
In boxes with lids

1793

Parents pay money
To send their kids there
So they can go shopping
And color their hair ...
Just kidding, they go fall
Asleep in their chair

1794

A hot-line is published
For child abuse
If you abuse children
You've got a screw loose

1795

Parents are invited
To air their concerns
Like what kind of swear words
Their child now learns

1796

Aside from on-base care
They also can give
Other assistance
For where you might live

1797

Programs developed
For early childhood
Must be accredited
Which is understood

1798

Rather than create them
They can also assist
Youth programs that may
Already exist

1799

Regular children
Not from mil families
Can also attend
To strengthen communities

1800

As usual, definitions
Which should have come earlier
Are only done now
Which just made me surlier


As you can see,
From chapters I skipped
At this point most of
My interest had slipped

If you want to give me
Some motivation
To finish the rest
I'll take compensation

A dollar a section
Seems about fair
My email's on Paypal
If you will look there

Otherwise, I will be
Moving along
Starting to work on
My next legal song

I hope you enjoyed
My posting in verse
It could have been better
And could have been worse

Please do check out
Other posts on my blog
Happy holidays to each of
You, and to your dog

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