Friday, December 01, 2006

U. S. Armed Forces Code, in Verse: Chapters 48-50, 53

Chapter 48

951

That was a long chapter
On to the next one:
"Correctional facility"
A.k.a. prison

952

Prisoners refurbish
Supplies when they're told
And when they behave
They may get paroled

953

After your sentence
The system must allow
You to resume
Service somehow

954

You can choose to serve
Your squad extra time
In order to honorably
Erase any crime

955

Prisoners sometimes
Are sent internationally
Foreign ones also
Are treated dispassionately

956

Golly, they're generous,
Returning deserters
Can earn you as much as
Seventy-five dollars

Chapter 49

971

Calculating service,
Officers don't count
Time as midshipman
Or cadet in the amount

972

Time in the brink
Or drunk or deserting
Isn't your service
This section's asserting

973

Officers cannot
Take offices or work
If doing so causes them
Duties to shirk

976

You can't join a union
Or let them meet near you
But still, your commanders
Are required to hear you

978

All new inductees
Are tested for addiction
Addition to Warcraft's
Not a restriction

979

The mil can't loan money
To robbers or thieves -
Wow, what a surprise,
Who'd have believed?

980

As a human experiment
They need your consent
Except when they don't
That's really what's meant

981

The number of slaves -
Oops, I meant helpers -
Is less of: three hundred,
Or four times the officers

982

Military members
On active duty
Are usually exempt
From serving on jury

983

The ROTC
Is welcomed by schools
Who want their mil funding
According to rules

985

Soldiers executed
Aren't buried with honors,
Balloons, big bands,
Or beautiful banners

986

Starting this century
Security clearance
Isn't given to criminals,
For sake of appearance

Chapter 50

991

You may be deployed
It seems to appear
No more than two hundred
Days every year

Chapter 53

1031

For oaths of enlistment
Any officer will do
He takes off his Ipod
Before hearing you

1032

Friends of a soldier
Have benefits begin
If killed only 'cause of
A relationship to him

1033

Secretaries sometimes
Can flex their authority
Making officers work for
Athletics or charity

1034

Members must always
Speak freely to congress
And not be subjected
To threats or distress

1035

This eclectic chapter
Now talks about pay,
Savings and interest,
And if you're MIA

1036

If a soldier is missing
Someone is paid
To accompany his family
So they aren't waylaid

1037

The mil will pay lawyers
And even pay bail
If a soldier ends up
In some foreign jail

1038

An Auxiliary Corps
Sixty years ago
Was run once for women
And I'm telling you so

1039

If you serve as a minor
Your service still counts
It's credited to you
In varying amounts

1040

A dependent on you
If you're serving afar
May be transported to hospital
If they're where you are

1041

If you lose a certificate
Of honorable discharge
They'll give you another one
And it's free of charge

1042

Copies of service
Certificates are free
For you or your kin,
Or a named attorney

1043

Service in PHS
Or NOAA
Is counted for retirement
Or computing your pay

1044

If a soldier needs legal
Service, and is poor
The mil will provide it
It's what friends are for

1044a

Judges and others
Can act as notaries
They're always available
And can't take any fees

1044b

Power of attorney
As defined by the mil
Trumps laws of state
Regardless of will

1044c

The same goes for doctors,
But not all respective
Only those accepting the
Advanced Medical Directive

1044d

The same goes for wills,
Or "testamentary"
So long as they're solid
Their legality is very

1045

Soldiers can request
That states withhold tax
So that their accountant
Can sit and relax

1046

If you bring your children
Outside the U.S.
Foster care's provided to
Clean up their mess

1047

A sick member's given
Clothes worth two-fifty,
When expelled it's forty
Which is rather less nifty

1048

This one I don't get
You get twenty-five smackers
For fraudulently enlisting
Which strikes me as quackers

1049

A supernumerary
Is not a civilian
I think it's a term from
The Silmarillion

1050

Head-scratching here;
Special compensation
For Latin Americans to
Enhance cooperation?

1051

They also give money
For attending conferences
So long abiding by
All of their preferences

1051a

If the U.S. is part of
A global coalition
Liasons are expensed under
General permission

1051b

Anyone helping using
Non-combat means
Is given a pen and
A few magic beans

1052

Also, for adopting
They give you 2k
For having your own kids
They're not willing to pay

1053

If they forget to make
An automatic deposit
They'll cover your late fees
So get out of the closet

1053a

If you make plans
And they cancel your leave
They'll cover the damages
They'd have you believe

1054

If they give you lawyers
They'll cover things lost
Because of malpractice
Regardless of cost

1055

If you rent a house
You don't pay the fees
For security deposits
If the mil guarantees

1056

If the mil makes you move
They pay relocation
To move your whole family
To where you're now stationed

1057

When you get a license plate
It comes with insignia
Even if you live in
The District of Columbia

1058

If a military official -
Whatever that means -
Sees domestic violence
He may intervene

1059

If a spouse gets abused
Or the children (poor dears)
They receive compensation
For one to three years

1060

A retired member,
If agreed by bureaucracy,
May go to work for
A fledgling democracy

1060a

The mil provides food
That's warm and delicious
While also ensuring it's
Wholesome and nutritious

1060b

Retirees and dependents
All get IDs
You get a replacement
In your seventies

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