Monday, December 04, 2006

U. S. Armed Forces Code, in Verse: Chapters 58-61, 63, 65, 69, 71, 73, 74

Chapter 58

1141

"Involuntary discharge"
I tell you with clarity
Is when someone's discharged
Involuntarily

1142

When leaving the mil
A staff of nice clerks
Will help you with medical
Records and work

1143

They give you a resume
And recommendations
And point out jobs listed
Around the nation

1143a

They're especially keen
To find, if they can,
Community service jobs
Like teacher or policeman

1144

Basically, they cover
Every contingency
And pretend that they're an
Employment agency

1145

For about half a year
You're medically insured,
Just think of a problem
And you're instantly cured

1146

I'm skipping this section
Not because I'm tired
It seems that all of it's
Terms have expired

1147

The same goes for this one
They really should cut them
To leave space for sections
That closely abut them

1148

If stationed abroad
There's extra assistance
Helping find jobs
With special persistence

1149

Extra leave's granted
To help relocation
From former lifestyle
To your new vocation

1150

Oh look, another old
Expired section
Added to my list of
Section rejection

1152

To sweeten the deal
Law-enforcement places
Are offered money
To ensure a few spaces

1153

The same goes for health care,
They'll offer some dough
To hire ex-soldiers
And give them a go

Chapter 59

1161

Officers are fired
Only by courts
Unless the President
Thinks they've got warts

1164

While true that they
May not be fired
At sixty-two they
Become retired

1165

Oops! When I said
They can't be fired?
They can, within three
Years that they're hired

1166

And oops! I forgot
They can also be fired
If their job performance
Was less than inspired

1167

And oh yeah, oops!
Perhaps I should mention
They're also let go
For six months detention

1168

You can't be discharged
Unless you've been paid
Or direly in need
Of medical aid

1169

You also can't discharge
A regular Joe
Unless it's required
Or the Sec says so

1170

If parents have written
And they've requested
Their minor son's release
Then he is divested

1171

Regular soldiers
May be given notice
Ending prematurely
Their terms of service

1172

Emergency soldiers
Can be let go
As soon as the President
Orders them so

1173

For experiencing "hardship"
Which isn't defined
They'll let you go if
You've dependents to mind

1174

A convoluted section
Computing your pay
So that when you sign
You'll think it's ok

1174a

Sometimes you get
Voluntary separation
Oh wait, this ended
In two-thousand and one

1175

Now my head's itchy
They offer incentive
For voluntary separation
This is getting inventive

1176

If you're getting close
To retirement time
They won't fire you
Or let you drink wine

1178

Out of left field:
Our government tracks
The number dismissed for
Not testing for anthrax

Chapter 60

1181

In order to fire you
For derelict working
They must decide first
What's work and what's shirking

1182

A board of inquiry
Full of informants
Reviews officers fired
For sub-par performance

1184

Oh man, they just get
Sillier by far
It's like they're written
By aliens from Mars

1185

When considered sub-par
To prepare a defense
The officer is notified
Some weeks in advance

1186

The Sec may just give up
And let him retire
Rather than think about
Whether to fire

1187

This section lists who
May be on the board
Included so that
Justice is assured

Chapter 61

Here's another chapter
That I found laborious
Physical disability
Is covered in glorious

Detail, like when it's
Considered serious
After reading it through
I thought I was delirious

Chapter 63

1251

For you, the play's over
When reaching the age
Of sixty-two years
You get off the stage

1263

The same goes for officers
Of Warrant nature
At sixty-two you get
Removed from the feature

1275

Just a reminder
That you get your pay
At least by the end of
Your last working day

Chapter 65

1293

A Warrant Officer may
Be earlier retired
If after twenty years
He's already tired

1305

And must be retired
If served thirty years
A long enough time
For any career

1315

Nothing new here
Just move right along
Just another chorus
In this legal song

Chapter 69

I'm skipping these chapters
This one's on grade
When retiring, in general
It's whatever you made

Chapter 71

This chapter lists your
Pay and helps count it
If you understand it
Go be an accountant

Chapter 73

And this one lists benefits
It's all very dull
Reading it gives me
A pain in my skull

Chapter 74

The last one I'm skipping's
The fund for retirement
And now back to doing
A chapter entirement

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