Friday, December 16, 2005

Angst Post

The word "angst" is in my description of the blog (actually, my user description, but it serves the same purpose), so I have to write about it, sometimes.

Even though I started off my Gone Gaming posts with a message about "posting, and not letting fear get in the way", naturally I don't always follow that advice. It was advice for me, more than for anyone else. I'm still fearful; a holdover from the depression that hit me when I first got divorced.

It's partially because I've seen my blog grow a bit as time goes by (even though I sometimes think my only regular fan is Alfred, who often notices me in his Best of the Blogosphere posts - thank you, thank you!).

With a bigger blog, my head swelled into thinking that I could do something full-time in the game world - quit my job and blog for a living, or design games, or open a game store. Anything to get out of dealing with more difficult clients in my computer jobs (better to deal with difficult customers in the game world, right?). Of course, growth is relative - some of the Israeli blogs that I read get 1000 times the traffic that I do. If only all the blogs to which I linked would be kind enough to link back to me!

The truth is that this is a long process. My blog may have a few devoted readers, but a hundred hits a day is not going to make Google Ads profitable. I have designed a game and I'm working on others, but I am still months away from publishing it, if ever (although I've sold all of my prototypes). And I can't take off a year in order to get a game store off the ground.

In the meantime, the responsibilities of life go on. I'm luckier then many, I know. A good family, I have work, and a nice pastime. The Talmud calls a person rich if he is satisfied with what he has. That's not one of my successful attributes, yet, but I'm working on it.


P.S. I don't know if I'd call them "trademark", Alfred. Lots of other Geeks do a good job with them, too. For better or worse, here are mine, so far:

A Mad Game Club - Alice in Wonderland.
The Love Song of J Random Wargamer - T.S. Eliot
In Dallas, Tex, BGG.con - Samuel Talyor Coleridge
d6 or not d6 - Hamlet
Seafarers - Tennyson

I think that's it (?)

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