50 Punchlines You Can Use For Your Next Joke

1. Not in Germany, you don't.
2. Probably not, but I'm going to try, anyway.
3. He wants to return the potatoes you gave him.
4. Well, multiply that by ten ...
5. It's the vicar; he wants to know when we'll be done using the food processor.
6. It doesn't work.
7. I'm gonna get me a new pair of binoculars.
8. SOOOO-weeeeeeeh!
9. That's not the hard part; the hard part is when I have to tell Aunt Sue about the motorcycle.
10. Four pieces of toast and an apron.
11. I sent it by email.
12. No you don't; but you will soon.
13. It's from Pontario.
14. Again, from the top.
15. That will keep him for a few days.
16. But I had a hard time getting it back out again.
17. They keep falling out of the wheelbarrow.
18. Not for the president.
19. Two more trucks are being shipped in on Wednesday.
20. Actually, I was hoping you could tell me where to find the Democratic convention.
21. You know, she doesn't know what she's missing.
22. That depends; what sort of hook were you looking for?
23. This time I'm going to try without the crutches.
24. Bienos Dios, Senor.
25. That hardly matters to a bull elephant, I would guess.

26. Now, where's John Smith?
27. You can cry all you want; I'm not going back to that drug store.
28. Half a mouse.
29. I don't think she's going to make it by three o'clock.
30. The next day he ate a whole plate of shrimp for breakfast.
31. I don't think the monkey likes it, either.
32. A shark.
33. Twenty-five to one says he doesn't notice that his wife went home.
34. I can't believe I'm saying this but, "Poker player?"
35. And that's when the first boat reached the island.
36. That's right: "you should never ague with a bungry hare."
37. For the love of God, Ned: jump, already!
38. I couldn't possibly tell you for less than ten pounds.
39. Just wait until you hear what happened AFTER the ceremony.
40. That's when the rhinos go walking in the morning.
41. A hundred dollars, a hundred dollops; what's the difference?
42. That's no way to talk about Mandy.
43. Dad ... you're not going to believe this.
44. I just can't eat pickles anymore.
45. Just four lousy dollars ...
46. It ate a piano ("P and O", get it?)
47. Yeah, he's Jewish.
48. That's the last time I ever lend you a billy goat.
49. Too bad it doesn't come with a masthead; we could take it out for a sail.
50. The good news is that you don't have to worry about what dress the bridesmaid is going to wear.

Yehuda