Monday, June 05, 2006

Top Ten Most Tiresome Items Found in Top Ten Lists

11. An eleventh item.

10. References to a previous item in the list.

9. Like this one.

8. A step that tells you to relax and just enjoy yourself, after nine other items that require a lifetime of work to accomplish.

7. Humorous passing references to minor notables involved in current events that won't make sense to anyone a year from now, such as Linda Tripp.

6. Expensive limited-use computer peripherals that only a reviewer at a wealthy magazine could ever get their hands on (for free), yet is being recommended to you as a "must have" item for this season.

5. Anything to do with a president or a Muslim.

4. A self-reference that cracks a joke about wasting time making a top-ten list.

3. Any reference to a celebrity doing something questionable, either mundane or outrageous. Who is the bigger fool: the celebrity that does something stupid, or the ten thousand people that keep talking about it?

2. Anything minor that is purported to be major, just because the lister has been trying to get other people to take his or her idea seriously, such as: the minor economy of a small nation that will soon "be the biggest", the minor but severely limited (or vaporware) product of a third-rate company, a minor software product "poised" to take on the big guys, a minor personality who is "up and coming" due to fifteen minutes of fame, and so on.

1. A pointless, predictable, and boring "me too!" number one.


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