Thursday, December 13, 2007

Seventh Game Results

Thanks to all the participants in all the games. Don't forget to subscribe to my blog; I sometimes give away little things on the spur of the moment to my readers and subscribers that I don't announce on BGG or BGN!

GAME A

FORTUNE PLAYER (ADJ) EVAL POSITION / SCORE
850 Pesos Jonathan Davis -55 = 795 13 / 02
719 Pesos Mark Hansen -55 = 664 16 / 02
991 Doubloons Ken Spontelli -3 = 988 03 / 18
850 Pesos Scott Nicholson +10 -55 = 805 12 / 02
996 Pesos Seth Bell -55 = 941 08 / 08
930 Pesos Ernie Lai -55 = 975 05 / 14
750 Pesos Seth Ben-Ezra -55 = 695 15 / 02
1000 Pesos Avri Balofsky -55 = 945 07 / 10
982 Doubloons Frank Teplin -3 = 979 04 / 16
810 Pesos Jonny German -55 = 755 14 / 02
950 Pesos Jose Zagal -55 = 895 11 / 02
996 Florins Gabriel Cunningham -5 -1 = 990 02 / 20
972 Pesos Derek Jung -55 = 917 09 / 06
1000 Doubloons Koby Shachar -5 -3 = 992 01 / 00
963 Florins Duncan Munro -1 = 962 06 / 12
965 Pesos Dustin Gervais -55 = 910 10 / 04

Gabriel Cunningham is first in line to be the new prince. Yay! Now can he charm the princess with his humor?

Unlike the story competition, most of you were pretty pathetic at Why Did the Chicken? humor. Some of the points awarded are sympathy points!

GAME B (Number in parenthesis is the points assigned)

-1-
What is the difference between a board game and a bicycle?

On a bicycle people actually enjoy "roll-and-move." JD (9)
Your wife might actually like to go on a bike ride. MH (7)
None. You'll cry no matter which one dad backs the car over. KS (2)
A sign of a bad boardgame is that you roll and move, but if a bike doesn't do it, you're stuck! SN (5)
Vigorous playtesting. SB (1)
You only need 1 bicycle. EL (10)
A bicycle only has two wheels. SBE (4)
With war games you have To Wield Weapons, and a gang on bikes are riding Two Wheeled Weapons. AB (5)
One can get you around Dallas. The other makes you GO to Dallas. FT (4)
In a board game, it's rarely good to finish right back where you started. JG (7)
Fish don't ride bicycles like I play boardgames. JZ (6)
You rarely need to wear a helmet while playing a board game. GC (4)
When you play a board game, you might "roll the bones". When you roll a bicycle, you might break them! DJ (5)
With bicycle you don't need a Ticket to Ride. KS (8)
On a bike when things go around you get somewhere. DM (3)
Try sitting on a board game and you'll know. DG (4)

I asked a Doctor HaHa of Humorology at the Department of Funny Stuff for the correct answer, which is:

"If you don't know, please don't put it on my table."

-2-
What did the meeple say to the cow?

"Hey cow, do they put you in 'interesting' positions with 10 of your buddies and take pictures all the time?"
OR: "Hey cow, didn't your farmer just complete something? Why has he been laying down in the field all day today?"
OR: "Hey cow, check out my new MC Hammer pants.This is my ticket to get elected mayor!" JD (1 [can't score more than 1 for three answers!])
Moove it, your in my spot. MH (3)
MAN! How big is the tile YOU'RE standing on? KS (4)
"Thanks for leaving this pillow for me to lay down on out in the field! What is that smell, anyway?" SN (3)
"Give me all your milk cubes or I'll turn you into beef cubes." SB (2)
"So, they tipped you over too, huh?" EL (5)
Moo! SBE (2)
"Ahhh! I'm a talking meeple!" AB (10)
Wow! I only get milked for points! FT (4)
Get off my foot! JG (8)
If you don't stop mooing, I'll turn you into a carcass-one! GC (5)
"Hey look! A Moople!" DJ (10)
I'm sorry, we had to choose... it's Germen games not Dutch games... KS (2)
Mooooove off my field. DG (3)

I wrote to Doctor Chickenlips of the University of Hoople in Southwest North Dakota for the correct answer, which is:

"It's your moove."

-3-
What's the first thing a board game does when it gets out of bed in the morning?

It relishes over who got lucky and went on a hot streak the night before. JD (2)
Practices its German. MH (1)
He used his first action point to scratch his bits. KS (3)
The box farts! SN (3)
It unfolds. SB (4)
Let loose with a long and satisfying box fart. EL (3)
Makes its bed. SBE (4)
Get dressed up with its theme. AB (5)
Kiss its owner on the cheek, then get back in the closet. FT (1)
Checks his bits. JG (4)
Stretches out the shrinkwrap. JZ (6)
Chooses Craftsman so it can have its morning coffee. GC (7)
It relieves its morning "El Grande"! DJ (3)
Yawn: "I'm bored!" KS (2)
Rolls to see who goes first. DM (8)
It takes care of its morning wood. DG (4)

I entered the question into the Searchable Online Database Of Funny Frases to get the definitive answer, which is:

"Fall."

-4-
Why did the pawn cross the road?

You see, the pawn started existentially inquiring into his subconscious racism, sidestepping anyone he ran into from the other side of the tracks. He began to grow very depressed and thought maybe a new game would brighten things up. He decided to depart from Ville in search of a new life in the big city Bohnanza. When he got there, he was horrified by the stench emanating from all the stink beans people were planting in the pot holes of the streets. He started running hoping to get away from the stench. While crossing one particular street, he tripped and fell into a pothole, getting a mouth full of chili beans. He got up and ran screaming into a nearby donut shop, grabbed a donut and a glass of milk hoping to get the fire out of his mouth. As it was a donut shop, a police officer promptly arresting him, charging him with theft and a failure to have any luck.
JD (2)
Because there was already a meeple thief on it. MH (1)
To maximize his value in points by taking majority in that area. KS (6)
To get to Roll Again! SN (2)
To sell the king a new castle. Traitorous little bastard. SB (5)
Because the chicken's gaming group was on the other side. EL (2)
Peer pressure SBE (10)
To check on its mate? AB (8)
It was due for a promotion. FT (9)
She wanted to leave her checkered past behind. JG (3)
Delusions of grandeur mainly. Like, who actually believes you can become a queen by crossing enough "roads". Sheesh. ;-) JZ (2)
Because the chicken did, and the pawn wanted chickmeat. GC (9)
Because the road had stabbed the pawn in the back in their last Diplomacy game -- darn metagamers. DJ (9)
Because on the other side he saw a mate that he had to check. KS (7)
To get to the other king. DM (3)
His wife wants him to get promoted. DG (6)

I created a Universal Improbability Drive, reset its capacitors, and fed it a really hot cup of strong tea in order to get the correct answer to this question, which is:

"To check a mate."

-5-
How is a card game like a city street?

You see, the pawn started existentially inquiring into his subconscious racism, sidestepping anyone he ran into from the other side of the tracks. He began to grow very depressed and thought maybe a new game would brighten things up. He decided to depart from Ville in search of a new life in the big city Bohnanza. When he got there, he was horrified by the stench emanating from all the stink beans people were planting in the pot holes of the streets. He started running hoping to get away from the stench. While crossing one particular street, he tripped and fell into a pothole, getting a mouth full of chili beans. He got up and ran screaming into a nearby donut shop, grabbed a donut and a glass of milk hoping to get the fire out of his mouth. As it was a donut shop, a police officer promptly arresting him, charging him with theft and a failure to have any luck. JD (1)
Lots of suit on them. MH (5)
Dealers and people taking trick at every corner. KS (7)
Things always slow down at a Bridge. SN (3)
You get lost in the shuffle. SB (10)
They both have dog poop on them. Wait... dog poop? Rover! Have you been going through my games again?!? EL (6)
Both require a great deal of luck to navigate. SBE (3)
They both have lots of stabbings. AB (10)
Both should move along swiftly, but inevitably get bogged down by the one person who doesn't know what the heck they're doing! FT (9)
You could get creamed from either side if you don't look out! JG (5)
You have to always make sure you're facing the right way. JZ (4)
Things can quickly get out of hand. GC (4)
They're both full of tricks, depending on the street! DJ (3)
In both of them a club could greatly improve your situation. KS (6)
Everyone has their own set of directions. DM (10)
First, you deal and then you meld. DG (8)

I traveled by rickshaw to Mount Wisdom in outer Nepal and climbed a mountain to talk to the Great Guru of Laughter to hear the correct answer, which is:

"You can get lost in the shuffle."

-6-
Why did the board game eat a donut?

You see, the pawn started existentially inquiring into his subconscious racism, sidestepping anyone he ran into from the other side of the tracks. He began to grow very depressed and thought maybe a new game would brighten things up. He decided to depart from Ville in search of a new life in the big city Bohnanza. When he got there, he was horrified by the stench emanating from all the stink beans people were planting in the pot holes of the streets. He started running hoping to get away from the stench. While crossing one particular street, he tripped and fell into a pothole, getting a mouth full of chili beans. He got up and ran screaming into a nearby donut shop, grabbed a donut and a glass of milk hoping to get the fire out of his mouth. As it was a donut shop, a police officer promptly arresting him, charging him with theft and a failure to have any luck. JD (1)
Don't it make perfect sense? To determine player order. MH (1)
Because everyone told him that his theme was too thin. KS (5)
To hide its holes! SN (4)
Because it had given up on its all fiber diet. SB (6)
To increase its game weight. EL (7)
Better than the donut eating it. SBE (4)
It wanted to be considered a heavy game. AB (10)
Ameritrash games need to keep their weight up! FT (4)
The Berliner reminded him of home. JG (1)
He wanted to feel a little filler. JZ (9)
Because as his rules were being described to new players, they all had a glazed look in their eyes and he felt inspired. GC (7)
The Fantasy Flight executive wanted it to be a "big box" game. DJ (7)
Because it wanted to get to the other side! (A donut in math is an endless board) KS (3)
It was trying to become heavier. DG (7)

I fasted and prayed for three days and nights in a dark sanctuary so that the answer would be revealed to me, and it was:

"It was Hanukkah."

-7-
What did the dice say to the duck?

"Just so you know duck. I don't want things to get awkward, and I hope we can be just friends, but I've been looking at the CRT table and I just don't think this thing we've got going is gonna make it." JD (3)
Hear your a good craper. MH (1)
Which do you want for breakfast, Dice Krispies or Ducky Charms? KS (8)
Nothing. They just stared with those evil snake eyes. SN (2)
"Why the hell are you here? Go back to your home!" SB (2)
"I'm pretty sure he said 'Gimme some luck!' not 'Gimme some duck!'" EL (7)
"Sorry, but this is how we roll." SBE (4)
"I don't think this guy knows what a Duck Roll is." AB (3)
"Fine, you're right, you can do more damage to a game in progress if rolled across the table." FT (5)
(Pickomino) Back off! It's not a real worm! JG (4)
Want some knuckles? JZ (2)
Care to take a quack at craps? GC (9)
"Double down!" "Wait, that's blackjack." "Oh, right. Bet the Pass line, then." DJ (4)
Quick, lay your bets! KS (2)
That's just how I roll. DM (1)
We may be square, but at least we don't waddle. DG (2)

I wired my brain up to the world's largest network of satellite dishes and asked the silicon creatures of Omega Omega for the world's best answer to this, and I received:

"Having bad luck? You look pretty down."

-8-
What did the board game do on holiday?

Mr. Board Game won't be hitting the table all week after his feigned enthusiasm for Mrs. Game's "Travel Edition" makeover. JD (5)
Got its bits enlarged. MH (6)
He went to the nude beach, threw off his cover and showed his bits to everyone. KS (4)
Met up with friends and played some people. He's a playa! SN (6)
Stayed away from Essen. All the playtesting made him feel used. SB (6)
Nothing, he was a bored game. EL (9)
Nothing. That's why he was bored. SBE (8)
Stayed in bed and played with itself. AB (7)
Decided to Goa way down to San Juan, Puerto Rico, called "Shogun!" on the Roads and Boats ride Through the Desert, drank El Grande margaritas and ate lots of deZertz, and watched the Twilight Struggle as a Blue Moon rose. FT (10)
Played some people with family. JG (7)
Nothing much, he got bored pretty quickly. JZ (5)
It wanted to buy a Ticket to Ride to Europe, but had to Settle for Catan instead. GC (7)
It went to Essen, where it was deemed too random to be a gamers' game and too complicated to be a family game. It was last seen in the back alley behind the convention center, holding a sign saying "The end is nigh! Redesign me or cannibalize me!". DJ (6)
Sit it the sun and get Tan-gram KS (7)
Bought a Ticket to Ride. DM (8)
For a change of pace, it went to Hoboken to clean a toilet. DG (2)

I asked my two-year old for the answer to this, and he said:

"It was board the whole time."

COMBINED SCORES

Jonathan Davis 02 + 24 = 26
Mark Hansen 02 + 25 = 27
Ken Spontelli 18 + 39 = 57
Scott Nicholson 02 + 28 = 30
Seth Bell 08 + 36 = 44
Ernie Lai 14 + 49 = 63
Seth Ben-Ezra 02 + 39 = 41
Avri Balofsky 10 + 58 = 68
Frank Teplin 16 + 46 = 62
Jonny German 02 + 39 = 41
Jose Zagal 02 + 34 = 36
Gabriel Cunningham 20 + 52 = 72
Derek Jung 06 + 47 = 53
Koby Shachar 00 + 37 = 37
Duncan Munro 12 + 33 = 45
Dustin Gervais 04 + 36 = 40

Avri won the humor contest, but the grand winner is: Gabriel Cunningham! Yay!

BLOG SUGGESTIONS

- Have a series of articles dedicated to the design, testing, and production of a game.
- More Game Theory analysis
- Include pictures (or videos!) with your session reports
- Add more photos! Photos break up paragraph & text-only blogs and make them easier and more fun to read.
- Publish or re-publish things from your blog on BoardGameGeek. Some really cool content there, but I'm sure I'm just one of many who sticks almost purely to BGG for board game commentary.
- Your site has a TON of links at the moment and it's quite overwhleming and hard to find what you're looking for. You might want to consider pruning some of them (from the homepage) or placing them on a separate page.
- Provide direct links to the most recent comments on your blog. This would help enliven the discussion a bit more by letting people see "where the action is" more easily.
- How about a little thumbnail picture next to/above/below your game on the right side? It might be more attention grabbing that way.
- There's a decent page of reviews on the website for the Gamepack game club in the Netherlands. http://www.gamepack.nl

Thank you for your great suggestions! This wraps up the holiday giveaways. Happy holidays and see you on my blog!

Yehuda
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