Thursday, November 09, 2006

NOT: the board game

An abstract game with a tacked on theme for 1-3, or 13+ players.*

*Note: despite the fact that this game says it plays for 3 players, it doesn't play well with 3 players. We recommend that you only try with 1-2 players or 13+ players.

Game components:
* A poorly constructed board
* All but one of the playing pieces in six colors, three of which are hard to distinguish from one another
* Cards that are essentially the same as a standard deck of playing cards but have neat Renaissance pictures
* A few superfluous pieces that multiplied the cost of the game's price by two
* These rules (may be absent)


- Place the board off-center on the table, such that one edge is hanging off the table and can be bumped if you want the game to end so you can watch an old episode of Friends on cable.

- Each player takes as many pieces as he can grab. Any left over pieces are dropped on the floor under the couch.

- Shuffle the cards thoroughly and return them to the box. They are not used in the game.*

* But may be used to play Bridge after the game.

- Pickup the remaining pieces, search through the rules for how to use them, and post a question about them on BGG.

- To determine who goes first, call it. In case of ties, argue.

After setup, begin an argument about which other games you would prefer to play instead of this one. If you convince others to play a different game, you win automatically.


When it's not your turn, do one or more of the following:

- Complain that you're losing.

- Point out who is winning.*

* If you are winning, you may point to someone else and claim that they are winning.

- Roll the dice before the previous player has finished. If you get the results you like, claim them for your turn. Otherwise, pick up the dice again, look at the player whose turn it is, and say "Nu? You are so slow!"

- Stack your meeples. You earn bonus points if the meeples fall onto the board when your stack collapses.

- Point to something on the far side of the board, dragging your sleeve across the board while doing so. Spilling a drink is optional.

- Play with the wrong rules. If this is your first game, complain that the game is broken. Otherwise, insist that the game plays better this way after the correct rules are pointed out.

- Invent variants before the first game is finished, or even played once.

- Watch Friends on cable, so that every time you are called back to the board you can say "What happened?"

- Continue to try to understand one of the poorly written rules. If you have the expansion rules language set, you can also try to reconcile the differences between the two rule sets.

- Tell another player that you don't care about winning and you are going to target him, even after people tell you that you're ruining the game. Claim that the rules don't say that you can't.

At the end of every turn, and as soon as the next player starts, ask to take back your move. If they let you, think for another two minutes and then do the same move.

Special Fribjibbet:

During a special fribjibbet (a special fribjibbet occurs if you trigger any event that causes a special fribjibbet), find the fribjibbet piece and move it to the new location of the fribjibbet piece. Mark the new location of the fribjibbet piece with the fribjibbet piece. Score 37 points for each piece that was affected. If more than one player's tokens were affected, each pawn gets two third of the number of points that one meeple would have gotten if only one player's markers were fribjibbeted.

Game End:

The game ends when one player has the most points at the game end. When the game ends, roll the dice. The player with the "best" roll wins. In case of a tie, give noogies.

The winning player is King NOT!



Jackson Pope said...

Hmmm. Needs a bit of work methinks ;-)

Mischa said...

I know I've played this before. Thanks for finding the rules!