Wednesday, November 22, 2006

U. S. Armed Forces Code, in Verse: Chapters 3-5

Chapter 3

121

This quaint little section
Gives Presidents power
To make regulations
Any day, any hour

122

A military Secretary
Can write any list,
Like the top twenty cocktails
Or cheat codes for Myst

123

If fighting a war and
The congress believes it
Personnel is "frozen"
So nobody leaves it

123a

It's President's job
And he also can cause
No reductions in manpower
No 'ifs' or 'because'

123b

Our standing foreign troops
Number two hundred K
Unless allies are attacked
Or the Prez says OK

124

Our forces are required
On any occasion
To intercept drugs shipped
Of illegal persuasion

125

The Sec can move people
With minor volatility
And the Prez major changes
Only during hostility

126

Personnel and functions
Are shifted around
As long as the money books
Are always kept sound

127

A half million here and
A half million there
Soon it's at values
Where someone might care

127a

If big money's spent, like
Fifty mil or more,
It's a special operation and
The HQ keeps score

127b

For helping fight terror
Any foreigner may
Get up to two-hundred
Thousand in pay

128

The Sec may keep secret
Nuclear stories -
This chapter sure looks like
A legal potpourri

129

All rules for personnel
Already been mentioned
Don't apply to civilians
That's not their intention

129a

When filling positions they
Avoid what costs steepest
By hiring only
Whomever works cheapest

129b

But they may hire experts
Whenever they need 'em
And pay travel, salary,
And even per diem

129c

They particularly try not
To fire their medics
Cause even tough soldiers get
Pretty big headaches

130

Mil information
Unless law says so
May be kept unreleased
It's just need-to-know

130a

From nineteen ninety nine 'til
Two thousand and two
They reduced by fifteen
Percent their HQs

130b

For soldiers abroad
The Sec may hide who.
Knock knock. Who's there? Icon.
Icon who? Icon't tell you.

130c

They may also choose not to
Give any acknowledgment
That they have secret info
About any government

Chapter 4

131

The Defense Secretary has
A large under-staff,
Directors, Assistants,
And a spotted giraffe

132

A Deputy Sec is
Foremost appointed -
If the old Sec bails out
Then he is anointed

133

An Under Sec handles
Acquisitions and logistics
He buys and he manages
And he juggles statistics

133a

Even that Under Sec has
His own deputy
So that his workload is
Never in jeopardy

133b

In fact he's got two; one
For acquisitions
And one for logistics
To help make decisions

134

There's another Under Sec
For policy planning
He directs who'll be marching
And who will be manning

134a

This guy's got two Deps
One's Dep of Policy
Appointed to position based
Solely on quality

134b

The second Dep's also
A Dep Sec of Policy
But he deals with security
Regarding technology

135

The next Under Sec is
The official Comptroller
For budgets and such things
He's the controller

136

The next Under Sec is
The personnel manager
He's hirer, therapist,
Trainer, and banisher

136a

This guy's got a Dep, too -
You've heard this before
And you'll hear it again
Many times more

137

The next Under Sec is
In charge of intelligence
That's spying, a job that
Needs all sorts of competence

138

They have for assistants
Nine more Secretaries
Doing jobs assorted
As deemed necessary

139

Another guy's in charge of
Equipment testing
He makes sure the giraffe has
A comfortable nesting

139a

And another's Director
Of Research and Engineering
For Defense, going wherever
The Sec of ATL's leading

140

A General Counsel
Handles things legal
Like checking this code to see
If staff can own beagles

141

An Inspector General looks
In every nook and cranny
But make sure he's not a silly
Redhead named Danny

142

Yet one more assistant's
For WMDs
If they're under your nose
Make sure you don't sneeze

143

The number of workers is
Limited, to its credit,
But the number is quite strange
Just where did they get it?

Chapter 5

151

The Joint Chiefs of Staffs
Have high pedigrees
They talk, give advice, and
May freely disagree

152

The JCS Chairman
Is a man very admirable
Ranking higher than any other
Admiral or general

153

He keeps very busy
Giving plans and directions
Supervising defenses
And reviewing inspections

154

The Vice Chairman covers for
The Chair when he's gone
Otherwise he watches to
See what goes on

155

A Joint Staff is also
Assigned there to help them
They're often kept busy by
The Chiefs or the Chairman

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